John Karr
My first real view of an indian village
up close came from the back of a horse through a trail that had been made in
the tall prarie grass. I knew my face was slightly disfigured because of a
swollen lip and bruising around my right eye. My clothing, what remained of it
lay in shreds and my boots had been lost somewhere along the way. The lower
part of my right leg was most assuredly broken and had swelled considerably but
I wondered if any of this mattered at all. I could easily be dead in a few days
after they had their fun torturing me and trying to extract screams from me.
Thus far they had not succeeded in making me scream or cry out and I'd be
damned if I'd let them have that.
Several conical shaped homes were right
in front of us now and we weaved between a few of them riding into an opening
in the middle of all of them. The people had already seen us coming and made a
lot of noise, even more so when they saw me and I was hit, touched, slapped and
almost pulled from my horse until one of the men behind me shouted something to
the others. Only then was I let be but I didn't know why.
The man who was behind me rode up to my
right and motioned for me to follow him. Why not? At this point no amount of
protesting or refusing would work in my favor.
As I followed this man I could hear a
loud, angry discussion arise behind me and knew it was because of me but I
didn't really care. I didn't ask to be here after all.
I was led to what seemed to be one of
the last homes on our left hand side but I could have been wrong because the
way they were all placed made absolutely no sense to me. The man ahead of me
jumped from his horse and motioned for me to get down. I had to do it slowly
swinging my broken leg over the horses rump and then sliding down so that I
landed on my good leg. He peered inside the house which already had the flap
open then spoke to someone inside and it wasn't long before I could hear a
woman's voice. She was clearly angry judging by her shouting and their ensuing
argument. It seemed as though she finally gave in and he came out motioning me
inside. I had an idea of what was happening and really did not like the idea of
being at the mercy of a woman who had made it abundantly clear she wanted
nothing to do with me.
After the man motioned a second time
however I hopped on my one good leg and made my way inside where an older woman
was kneeling to the left. I sat across from her where the man pointed and then
waited as thus far they had only spoken in Cheyenne and I could not understand
them. The woman spoke to the man and he looked down at me.
"she says to remove your clothes,
she cannot heal you this way"
The look on my face must have spoken
volumes because she then looked at me and repeated herself. I had never
undressed in front of a woman before and the thought of it was embarrasing but
I started with my shirt, pulling it off and ignoring the bruises on my back as
they reminded me they were there. Convincing myself to unbutton my trousers was
a little harder and I began to wonder how I was going to get what was left of
them down over my swollen leg. That little dillema was solved for me when the
man produced a knife and cut the side up to my hip.
"she says to lay on your back"
I did so without hesitation wondering
what kind of torture they intended to put me through but instead she began to
rub something into all the cuts and gashes all over my body. Once that was
completed she moved to my broken leg and I tensed. The man grabbed my foot and
upon her instructed pulled hard while she maneuvered the broken bone back into
place. The pain was such that I nearly passed out but I refused to make a sound
and lay there as she put large sticks on either side of my leg then wrapped it
loosely with hide, just enough to keep the sticks in place.
Once the woman was apparently satisfied
that she had done all she could do I was covered from the waist down with a
traders blanket and instructed by the man to remain there. Any attempt to
escape would mean disaster for me.
With a broken leg and no clothes where
was I going to go? I was happy to still be alive.
Shortly after that the woman had me sip
a bitter tasting tea and that was all I remembered for two days just more tea
and more sleep.
It wasn't until the third day upon
awakening that I could fully comprehend everything that had happened, when the
numbness in my mind began to clear. Three days ago I had a family and a home,
now they were all dead ma and pa and my younger sister Jennie. Probably the
only reason I was still here was that after realizing I couldn't save any of
them I decided to take out as many of these redskins as I could and then save
my own skin. I did outrun them for a bit but there were too many and they were
eventually bound to catch up.
I guess the only thing I was waiting for
at this point was for the torture to begin and I honestly didn't know how I
would deal with it. Perhaps in the end I would have to find a way to take my
own life and heaven have mercy on me if it came to that.
The woman that had been taking care of
me returned surprised to find me awake and muttered something I could not
understand. After a few minutes she knelt down uncovering my broken leg and
began to unwrap it slowly then take the sticks away that had been used to
support it. The swelling had lessened considerably and she used her hands to
feel along the area where the break had occured. It hurt like the dickens but I
held my tongue and just tried to breathe through it.
She moved to the other side of the home
and pulled out a pouch that contained strips of hide and wrapped my leg from
the foot to the knee then rubbed a fair amount of water over it. It felt a
little wierd but my guess was that the hide would dry out and harden creating a
hard shell over my leg.
The woman moved to the entrance of the
home motioning for me to stay put and then left. Again, where was I going to go
with a broken leg?
Several hours later the man that had
brought me here and helped to set my leg entered with what looked to be a large
piece of cloth and a long narrow strip of it. He told me to stand on my feet
and it took a couple of tries before I was able to get up all the way putting
most of my weight on my unbroken leg.
"you will cover yourself before
leaving this lodge" He spoke and I immediatley understood what the cloth
was for. All the men here were dressed in this manner and while I did not like
the thought of only being covered at the waist I liked the thought of being
completely naked even less. I took a few minutes to figure out how the cloth
was supposed to cover me and it barely did leaving the sides of my hips and
some of my buttocks exposed. I wasn't exactly comfortable with this and I would
have much preferred pants but at least I was covered.
"come" the man said going
outside and I blindly followed.
I probably should have been angry at
this point, angry at the loss of my family, the only home I had ever known and
the fact that I didn't yet know my own fate but I was unable to truly get ahold
of what had happened in my mind and I refused to shed one tear, they would
never get that from me, never.
I was again led to the clearing amongst
all the homes where I had been taken the other day where several men were
gathered old and young discussing things amongst themselves. They all looked up
when I approached hobbling slowly with the aid of a stick and I began to wonder
if this was finally it. Was this where they would have their fun torturing and
eventually killing me? That didn't happen though.
They began to ask the man with me
several questions which he answered and it seemed as though they had come to a
sort of agreement even though I couldn't understand what they were saying.
"you will race" The man told me
matter of factly and I could see even now that a horse was being brought up and
was not my horse but then they could not give me any unfair advantage.
"why?" I asked
"to prove a point"
I really didn't know what this was all
about but the horse was brought over and it took me a few tries to mount. Both
because there was no saddle and the cast on my leg was a little cumbersome.
Those around me laughed but I didn't care, these were the same people who had
elimimated my family and they did not matter.
I was led to an area out beyond all the
homes where another man waited on a horse and we lined up next to eachother.
"you ride straight that way until
you see a man waiting on a horse, that is where you turn and come back"
I just nodded my understanding. I was a little
nervous because I wasn't so accustomed to riding bareback but what these people
couldn't know was that I was very good on a horse. I raced all the time and I
knew how to do it.
The signal was given and we both bolted
our horses in the sides starting out at an even pace. It took everything I had
but I kept my seat and urged the horse onward and by the time we reached the
man and horse waiting downline I had a slight lead. This gave me hope as I
turrned the horse around and urged him even faster on the way back and all of
the sudden it was as if nothing else mattered except making it back to that
starting point. I didn't even know where the other rider was when I finally
crossed it and all I cared about was walking the horse out. You couldn't just
run a good horse like that and then stop, they had to be walked out.
I could tell the people were not happy
with the outcome of the race but what had they really expected? I came into
this with a fair chance and I did well.
I walked the horse back to where the people
were standing and as expected the one man was waiting for me taking the lead to
the horse and handing over the makeshift crutch as I slid from it's back.
"you will be called White
Runner" he announced as plainly as if he had told me what time of day it
was.
"My name is John Karr" I told
him "I won't answer to any other name"
"you will if you want to eat"
I had almost had enough at this point
and stopped following him "I don't understand any of this, why don't you
just kill me and get it over with?"
The man almost looked surprised as if I
had misunderstood his intentions all along "if we had intended to kill
you, you would have lain next to the rest of your family with an arrow through
your heart"
"then why am I here?" I asked
"you will learn patience"
"can I at least know your
name?"
"Crossing the water"
I was brought back to the older woman's
home and instructed to remain there but now that I was awake and mobile it
became kind of like a torture because there was nothing to do. Were I still at
home I would have been out tending the few cattle that we had and checking for
predators. We were going to build up our herd because cattle were profitable
and my two cousins were coming out to stay with us so that they could become a
part of it. I can't even imagine what they must have thought at the scene left
behind and by now they would have already had time to bury my parents and my
sister. Would they stay and run the cattle by themselves? or would they leave
out of fear that the same fate might befall them?
I had to go home, I had to know. I
belonged there, not here amongst a bunch of murdering strangers.
I learned later on that evening that I
was to have a home right next to Crossing the water's and was provided with
buffalo hides to sleep on and an old cooking pot but little else. The fact that
I was given a home surprised and baffled me. If I was supposed to be a captive
why was I not tied down and tortured, why was I given my own place to live? It
made little sense to me. Especially given the fact that like any white person
brought into an indian village I had plans to escape.
I spent two more nights in the older
woman's home before my own was ready and I really didn't know what to think
about it. It was as though they expected me to just pick up my life from the
moment my parents and sister were killed and continue living here like nothing
at all had happened. They had already taken so much from me but they would not
have my very spirit, they could not have that.
Crossing the water came early the same
morning that I had left the old woman's home bringing my horse so that he would
not have to wait for me to walk over to the herd.
"we go hunting" he announced
just as plainly as he seemed to announce everything else.
"I don't have a weapon" I told
him and could tell by the look on his face that I should have known he would
have considered that.
Once I was on my horse he led it over to
the herd of horses beyond all the homes where his horse was waiting. Two round
containers each with several arrows hung over the side of his horse and he
mounted swiftly turning his horse around expecting me to just follow.
I had heard stories about the bows and
arrows that the indians had but I had never seen any up close nor touched one.
Here I would clearly be expected to learn to use one but I would honestly much
rather have dad's Henry. I was a damn good shot with that providing the sights
were set the way I liked them.
I followed Crossing the water for a
distance to an area were the trees on the right thickened considerably and went
up into an incline.
"I have already been watching this
place for many days, many deer come here" Crossing The Water told me. I
followed him into the trees until he stopped and dismounted then we waited. He
said the area needed to be quiet so that the deer would move again. I was not
exactly new to hunting deer, I had brought down a few throughout my life
starting when I was ten. But this was different based mainly on the fact that I
didn't know how to shoot an arrow.
We waited in silence for what must have
been several hours without seeing anything but as it got later we could hear a
few coming from our right through the trees, then as three young does appeared
Crossing the water silently got himself into position pulling the arrow back
and letting it fly once the deer were in front of us. The arrow hit the middle
one in the neck and the other two fled.
As we stood up I could hear the doe
thrashing up ahead of us and I tried to keep up as Crossing the water headed
straight to her. He ended her life swiftly then seemed to say a prayer of some
sort looking to the heavens and then back to the doe.
"when you take the life of an
animal you must always give thanks. She has given her life so that our people
may eat" Crossing the Water explained as I finally reached him. I wasn't
so sure what to think, after all these people were heathens why would they
pray? Why would they believe in god?
Irregardless he told me to process the
deer while he constructed a drag structure of sorts out of logs and sticks that
would be pulled by his own horse. They obviously didn't have wagons so this is
what they used and once he loaded the deer and had it secured the whole thing
seemed to work very well.
We gave some of the meat to the older
woman who had taken care of me and the rest to another woman although I wasn't
exactly clear on who she was.
I spent a restless night thinking of
little else except for how I was going to escape this place. I didn't care
about Crossing the Water's continued threats about what would happen to me. I
had no doubts whatsoever they would chase me down, and hunt me down but simply
giving up was no option for me. I belonged on my familys ranch and I would have
to be head of the ranch now. I could not let anyone else claim that land and
hoped to all heaven that my two cousins had arrived when they were supposed to
and that they had stayed.
My plan to escape was a little
constrewed at first but as I followed crossing the water for the next few days
I paid attention to everything around me. I knew they purposely kept my horse
from me at night and unless needed during the day and that there were men who
stayed up at night as sentries to watch for anyone trying to attack them or
enter the camp. I also knew that Crossing the water kept his best horse right
outside his home at night.
To that end maybe I was just too
impatient. Damn my broken leg or anything else that might stop me I had to try.
I waited several hours and thanked
heaven above that I would have a full moon to see by as I untied Crossing the
Water's horse and mounted. He nickered a little and I waited to see if there
was any sign of stirring inside Crossing the Water's home but there was none. I
rode slowly keeping low and heading for the actual herd of horses not far away
on the edge of the encampment. I knew
where the sentries were and did my best to avoid riding where I would be seen
especially with the full moon shining down. I also kept as low as I could on
the horse so that I wouldn't be as noticible and so far everything was going
well. I had made it to the far side of the horse herd then would make a wide
loop around the sentries into the scrub trees so that I could head back to the
direction which I had been brought into camp. I had paid attention to
everything on the way here, where rivers were, what areas were wooded and which
were not, and the direction of the sun so that if I were ever able to free
myself I wouldn't have to think about where I was going.
I was slowly making a very wide circle
around the back of the camp still keeping low on the horse and riding slowly to
bring as little attention to myself as possible and had made it as far as the
place where I first laid eyes on the camp when I could hear movement behind me
then the shouting of a lone man. That was when I put all my stealth to rest and
slammed my legs into the side of the horse nearly surprised when he let out
into a fast run. I kept my seat urging the mount onward knowing that within
minutes I would have lord knew how many of those savages behind me. I could
already hear them but I could not let them catch me. I didn't like the thought
of running a good horse into the ground but if that's what I was required to do
in the act of saving my own life I would most certainly do it.
I was very fortunate that the area
directly in front of me was flat prarie for many miles. I just had to pray that
there were no holes for the horse to step in along the way.
I ran the horse full out across the flat
prarie heading for a stretch of trees far ahead knowing I would need to head to
the left of them when I got there. My heart was pounding so much that I could
feel it in my throat and I had to fight not to think about what should happen
if they were able to catch me. Once the trees were looming ahead of us I began
to worry as I had not heard any men or horses behind me. Certainly the Cheyenne
had given chase but where were they? Looking at the trees I could see that once
I rode into them I would be boxed in and this was what the Cheyenne were
counting on. Perhaps they thought I was just a stupid white man and would not
have figured this out in my mind. Something, however kept screaming at me to
turn around and ride the other way and I knew that even if I were to keep
riding towards the trees things would end up very badly for me.
I pulled on the rope halter turning the
horse to the left in a wide half circle urging him on for all I was worth
knowing that they wouldn't be very far behind me and wondered exactly how much
further this horse would run. I could hear him breathing and knew that the flat
out run would take it's toll eventually.
I could hear faint shouting behind me
and took the horse to our right which would eventually head us back in the
right direction but keep us away from the trees. I knew without any doubt that
I was a moving target but was almost certain that I would not be shot at
because I was riding Crossing the water's horse. I had to believe that very
thing to keep going.
After several long minutes I turned the
horse right again knowing this was the direction I needed to go and prayed for
a miracle hoping that however unlikely that there might be some soldiers
camping out here, or at least someone I could go to for help so that I might be
able to stop. No help would be available however as I pressed the horse further
and further despite the horses and men I could now hear behind me. I would not
give up, would not stop until I was forced to either by the horse faltering of
exhaustion or heaven forbid the Cheyenne catching up to me.
The trees were on my left and the open
prarie in front of me well lit by the moon as I continued racing on.
"White Runner" I heard a shout
from somewhere behind me "if you kill my horse I will kill you"
I knew he meant it but irregardless of
what I did now making my escape was the only thing that would turn out decent
for me. I kept on knowing with a surety that several were dogging me and I
could not let them get close to me.
"I will not stop" I shouted
back "if you do not want your horse run until he is out of life stop
chasing me"
The only thing my words did was to make
them angrier and I could hear them whooping behind me as well as the faster
sound of hoofbeats but as I continued on the sounds became less causing me to
wonder what they were doing. Surely they did not heed my words that easily. I
concentrated my full effort on remembering the place that lay ahead of us there
had been a small river before the trees which would now be on my right and it
wasn't long before I came upon it. I would follow this river for several miles
and knowing that probably made me less alert than I should have been. I
realized too late that one of the Cheyenne men had been riding down along the
river bank as he now materialized before me riding up an incline on my right
side.
I pulled the horse to the left and
spurred him on trying to avoid this man but he was able to catch up to me and
swiftly pull me from the horse. I landed on my right side cracking or at least
bruising a couple of ribs and hitting my head on the hard ground.
The next thing I remembered was waking
up with my head pounding a rythym all it's own and discovering that my arms and
legs were bound to the ground very tightly. It hurt to breathe and I suddenly
remembered what had happened as I struggled to get a breath both from the pain
and the stretch of hide that was around my ribs. I suppose I was damn lucky
that I didn't break my leg again when I was pulled from the horse but I still
hurt in too many other places to count. I supposed that I was in the same home
that had been built for me because there wasn't very much in here save the
buffalo robe that I lay on and a few pouches off to my left side.
I had been drifting in and out of sleep
when Crossing The Water came in many hours later.
"you are still alive"
I could not decipher if he was
dissapointed about it or otherwise by the way he spoke but I cared even less I
was still a prisoner of the Cheyenne.
"of course I am still alive, you
cannot kill me that easily" I told him
"never touch my horse again, next
time you will find an arrow in your back" Crossing the Water warned me and
as before I had no doubt he meant it.
"sit up" he ordered
I almost shuddered at the thought, in no
way would I be sitting up in this condition.
"no" I told him finding out
that such was a mistake when he grabbed my arm and pulled me into a sitting
position. I did not yell but the pain was bad enough that I could not describe
it in any way.
I sat there holding my ribs when a woman
maybe just a little younger than my nineteen years entered with a bowl of food.
Crossing The Water left and I thought it
a little odd that he would just leave the woman in here with me alone. She
knelt down in front of me picking up a piece of meat from the bowl and bringing
it to my lips expecting me to bite into it and eat it but I would not be fed
this way. I was not a child and I would not be treated like one.
I tried to take the meat from her hand but
she would not give it to me. Then I tried to take the bowl but she moved back
and it was very clear then. The only way I would eat is if I allowed her to
feed me and I knew that they would continue this mindless game until I gave in.
I allowed her to feed me resisting the desire to bite her fingers and after the
fourth bite of meat I noticed it tasted a bit strange although I figured maybe
it was just a spice they used to flavor the meat and kept on until the entire
bowl was finished.
After I had finished eating the woman
gently pushed me back so that I lay on the ground and removed the hide around
my ribs, poking and prodding in a way that would not hurt so much then placed a
sort of green poultice over the clear bruising before tightening the hide around
it once more. She then produced an oil and began to rub it all over me starting
at my feet then up my legs. As she did so I began to feel very sleepy though
not enough that I was asleep. She removed the cloth covering me and I was
helpless to stop her even though my mind screamed that this was very improper
and should not be happening.
Afterwards I only remember waking up
early the next morning with her fully unclothed and lying next to me. I was
completely unclothed as well and did not want to think what might have
happened. I must have yelled out of surprise for she opened her eyes and just
looked up at me from where her head rested on my shoulder. Clearly she did not
find anything wrong with this situation but I could not percieve why this
should be. I had never been with a woman nor given any thought to deflowering
one and I did not like this.
"You should not be here like this.
This is wrong" I shouted pushing her away although she would not be
disuaded and moved back next to me. I turned on my left side resting on my
unijured ribs breathing heavily at the pain it caused but my back was now to
her and I hoped she would understand.
She simply used her fingers to trace
lines up and down my back then put her hand on my hip and that was when I
yelled taking her hand in mine and moving it away. I firmly understood what she
wanted and I would not give it to her. I did not consort with whores.
I could hear her reach for her dress and
quickly put it on then leave. She did not seem to be angry at my rejection and
I was not sure what to think about it.
I remained in my home for three days
like this growing restless at my confinement and each evening the woman
returned with a bowl of meat. It was the only thing I was given to eat all day
and each time there was something in it that caused me to sleep. Each morning I
awoke with the woman next to me in the same state of undress and I was growing
tired of it.
The fourth night I knocked the bowl from
her hands letting her know that I would not eat any more of the meat. If I was
going to be forced into this I would be awake for it. She was about to leave
when I tugged on the bottom of her dress stopping her and causing her to look
down at me.
I moved my hand up her leg hoping she
would understand as she had never spoken one word of english and I assumed she
did not know the language as Crossing The Water did.
She stopped at my touch and looked down
perhaps trying to discern if I was really serious or not then knelt down
untying the cloth that covered me. I let her then watched as she removed her
own clothing. I did not understand the purpose behind all of this and knew that
some men would not even question it although in my short time with the Cheyenne
I had come to learn there was a purpose behind everything they did. At least
where I was concerned there was.
That night and the following nights fell
into a routine of sorts. She would bring the meat which was now free of
whatever sleep potion had been put into it and we would spend the night
together. One week and a half after my attempt to escape I was not in as much
pain attributing it to whatever poutice had been applied to my ribs each day.
Crossing The Water came to find me insisting that I go to the river to wash
then took me to the trees in search of some sturdy branches.
I figured he would be teaching me how to
make an arrow but I had more pressing matters on my mind as I hobbled along
behind him.
"How old is she?" I asked
Crossing The Water then waited but it did not seem as though he would be coming
forth with any information about her.
"do your people think so little of
their women's virtue? Is she nothing but a whore?"
I could see that my words made him angry
but I would not apologize. I wanted to know the reason behind her being sent to
me.
"she is no whore" Crossing The
Water told me " She has seen all of sixteen winters and she is your
wife"
I nearly choked but kept my composure.
"she is not my wife, I did not choose her and I did not ask for her"
"you have defiled her, no other man
would have her now"
I was ready to argue with that but she
had stopped bringing me the meat five days ago.
"what is her name?"
"she is called Moon Rises"
I was not ready for a wife and truthfully
I had been working so hard as of late that I had no time to court a woman even
if I had been of a mind to. I certainly in all my years had never considered
taking an indian woman to wife. Her people had killed my family and I
considered this the sorriest kind of betrayal I could ever have offered them.
After nearly an hour of slow progress
following behind Crossing the water he seemed to find the type of tree he was
looking for
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